Lizzie's Love Letters
by irislim
Summary: When the Bennet family realizes they may have driven Darcy away, they all take turns writing reconciliatory e-mails on Lizzie's behalf. Chaotic *cough* erotic humor ensues. A modern two-parter.
1. Chapter 1

Looking back now, he really should have known from the very first e-mail.

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** October 25, 2019  
 **Subject:** I'm so sorry

 _Dearest Mr. Darcy,_

 _I apologize most sincerely for the recent misbehavior of my family. I'm sure they didn't mean it. Lydia is a nice girl and really won't be so improper most of the time. I miss you very much and wish you would come home to me and not leave me or break my heart. Your forgiveness means the world to me. My family is as sorry as I am. This e-mail is probably not necessary, but I'm sending it just in case. Don't forget me - ever._

 _With all my heart,  
_ _Lizzie/Elizabeth_

He frowns when he reads it. He's a little confused, frankly. But he's all the way in bloody England now, and there's not really much he can do about it. He just hopes it's not some scam using a stock message to spread a virus.

She still remembers why he's here - right? He's not a heartless jerk who's going to use an inevitable trip as an excuse to leave her, and he likes to think she knows that.

Jet lag takes him before he figures it out, and he wakes up the next morning with all the lights on and his phone uncharged.

* * *

The second time he gets her e-mail, he starts to wonder if he should be replying instead of just texting his 'I love you's.' She was the one who insisted on texts instead of e-mails - who laughed at him for being old-fashioned enough to actually check his e-mail every two waking hours instead of once a year.

She still remembers that - right?

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** November 2, 2019  
 **Subject:** You should read this one

 _So, Mr. Darcy,_

 _You really should be answering me by now. Is everything we ever had so meaningless to you? I can't live without you. My family is ridiculous (except my sister Kitty). They don't know how important you are to me. I would move hell and high water to be at your side. Can you please come back? I'm not going to beg, seriously. I can't do this anymore! Come back, Darce face! My bedroom is always open for you. I will kill you if you ignore me this time._

 _Eliza/Lizzie_

He finds his phone quickly this time - and forms and sends his message in the blink of an eye.

 **William:** Is everything okay, Liz?

She replies almost immediately. Her odd hours are to his benefit today.

 **Liz:** Yeah, totally. Did you read about another big accident near here? Because I'm okay. I promise.

He smiles, almost hearing her beside him.

 **William:** I had a false alarm. I think I'm taking things too seriously these days. You're usually joking, right?

 **Liz:** Almost 90% of everything I say.

They text for another hour, and he falls asleep with a smile this time.

* * *

He's in a cab when he receives the next one.

Even the lack of privacy doesn't keep his mouth from falling open.

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** November 6, 2019  
 **Subject:** Please, please come back

 _My dear, most macho, most amazing, sexy boyfriend,_

 _I need you so badly. There is nothing that can fill the whole in me life as well as you. I know men want women begging. I beg you now, pleeeeease. No one can satisfy me the way you do. You are my WHOLE WORLD._

 _I'm sorry if I never put out. I am a worthless prude. If I did put out, well then ignore that I said that._

 _My father was so stupid to let you go. My mother knew your true worth from the very start! The whole family misses you. We love you like our own!_

 _My sweetest, most amazing superhero. I don't deserve you. You are the sun to my stars. You are everything I want._ _You and me fit like a sword and sheath, like a hand and glove and all that._

 _Please come back. I will spread my legs to celebrate. The family won't listen in I promise. Never forget me. I will never forget you._

 _Crying myself to death until you come back,  
Your little Lizzie_

Crappy metaphors aside, the message really had _zero_ reasons to take seriously. For the remaining duration of his ride to the train station, his eyebrows can't rise any higher, nor his jaw grow any slacker.

Is this Liz's idea of a joke?

If it is - because it just _can't_ be something serious - does she remotely expect something as funny and irreverent in return?

* * *

With the absolute ridiculousness of the last three e-mails, the stilted tone and formal phrasing of the fourth one catches him by surprise.

Did he date one Elizabeth - or four?

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** November 11, 2019  
 **Subject:** A Promise

 _Dear Sir,_

 _Kindly please pardon the degree of impropriety that my most recent letters contained. I assure you that I am sane of mind and merely distracted by the turn in recent events. I wish you well and refuse to lower myself with further insults to my own reason. My temporary lapse in wisdom is temporal to the furthest degree. If you must come, please do so with sanity of mind and body. My family, I promise, shall not interfere in your happiness._

 _Sincerely,  
_ _Elizabeth_

The formality of that closing puts to rest any potential alter ego theories he may have remotely entertained. Elizabeth Bennet the enduring spirit of a wronged dyslexic teenager doesn't actually exist.

 **William:** So I've been getting these e-mails...

He texts without thinking. It's instinctive now. Every ring makes him turn to his phone regardless of location. Every notification sends his heart into unmanly flutters.

 **Liz:** From all the vindictive teenagers you've squashed to get yourself to the top of the food chain?

He smiles, because she never fails to make him smile.

 **William:** I knew I met you before.

 **Liz:** Not as well as you do now (winking face)

He chuckles. She's given him grief more than once for his formality.

He's about to give her a taste of it now.

 **William:** Good job, Liz, that's ALMOST a complete sentence.

 **Liz:** So encouraging (thumbs up)

He shakes his head when he laughs. His headboard has a permanent imprint of the back of his head after all these weeks.

 **William:** You are incorrigible.

 **Liz:** But you love me anyway.

 **William:** Yes, I do - very much.

He pictures her in his mind - smiling but still trying to hide her smile.

He groans audibly. The next few weeks can't get by fast enough.

 **Liz:** Awwww, you always know just what to say, big boy.

He bites the inside of his cheek.

Then he braves it.

 **William:** You make me the man I am (winking face)

The reply is instant.

 **Liz:** *gasp* William Darcy, did you just use an EMOJI?!

He's lucky there aren't any witnesses to his sheepish smiles tonight.

 **William:** You deserve to be my first.

 **Liz:** Ah, there you go, back to full sentences.

 **William:** There is nothing wrong with texting in proper English.

 **Liz:** Yeah, there is.

 **William:** See? Your latest text, however brief, is still technically a full sentence.

 **Liz:** Oh yeah? (grinning face)

He's smiling even when he stretches and yawns.

 **William:** Yeah (kissing face)

 **Liz:** (kissing face)

He falls asleep happy - another day down before he flies home, to her.

Sure, she didn't admit anything.

But it's fun to share a secret.

* * *

 _A/N: I hope you're having fun! This bizarre AU came to me a few months ago and just WON'T LET MY MIND GO. It's just two chapters, so I promise I will post those last Armed Robbery chapters soon! Please let me know your thoughts on this one :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: So I've been "saving" Lydia's e-mail for this chapter. I hope Mrs. Bennet's hadn't been too scandalous last time. Here goes nothing..._

* * *

He looks up the exact moment his phone dings. Who cares if his chauffeur is taking the long way from Pemberley to Lambton? At least the device in his hand right now holds some promise of hearing from Lizzie.

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** November 20, 2019  
 **Subject:** A Quick Reminder

 _Dearest Mr. Darcy,_

 _I must admit that it is strange how many of my messages start with apologies. Is our relationship this imbalanced? Lizzie really needs to take better care. Being codependent, it seems, has been her wish since childhood. Mrs. Bennet - Mom, that is - must have had too much control over her. Is it strange to speak of the family so candidly? I wonder at your answer. Your hope of a sane friendship must have long been buried. The family is horrendous, the friends are dull, and she is flighty when happy and dramatic when sad. Why are you in love with her again? Reminders might be necessary._

 _Kindest regards,  
Elizabeth_

The shifting persons, the Elmo talk, and the harshness of it all tip him off for the first time that he _may_ not have been hearing from Lizzie all this time. Inside his Rolls Royce, his hand grips the smartphone just a little tighter, his jaw sets just a little stronger.

If this isn't her - who is it?

The unpleasant memory of a past stalker or two haunt him. He shivers and shakes it off.

 **William:** Lizzie, are you awake?

He waits for her reply - but it doesn't come, not for the next two hours.

The road to Lambton has never felt this long before.

* * *

The next e-mail takes him completely by surprise.

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** November 30, 2019  
 **Subject:** Whazzup?

 _Hellllloooooooo!_

 _So, yeah, here's the thing...you've been IGNORING ME! What the hell of a boyfriend are you? I don't care how you get your sorry ass over here as soon as you can cuz were bumpin' uglies the moment you do. Mom keeps saying its my fault but I know it isn't. Okay? OKAY?! You're hot, like really hot. My Harry Potter broomstick doesn't do half the job you do. So COME TO MOMMA, BABY!_

 _-LIZZZZZZZ_

Despite the fact that this is the first e-mail to get his name for her remotely right, Darcy still feels the need to scrub his eyes clean after reading the e-mail - and again after reading it the second time.

He wants to analyze the progression now, wants to know who exactly has been hacking Lizzie. He has to warn her, and he has to figure out who exactly thinks they've been sending him love letters.

"Sir, is it this one?"

Darcy looks up from his phone, sees the object of his entire visit, and smiles.

* * *

He doesn't see the next one until he's stepped off the plane, texted Lizzie of his arrival, and checked in to the airport hotel.

 **From:** Lizzie Bennet  
 **To:** me  
 **Date:** December 5, 2019  
 **Subject:** A Point to Make

 _Dear Mr. Darcy,_

 _No matter what words my superfluous sisters and past self may have chosen to lavish upon you, take heart that this e-mail is entirely business. My father may rest assured. You see, Mr. Darcy, our correspondence has been of a nature that raises concerns regarding my future. Is this a friendship or a relationship? Do you have any designs upon my person? I fear I must make a point to know._

 _My father, dear sir, also wishes to know - and would like to request for your audience at the first available moment._

 _Sincerely,  
Elizabeth Bennet_

This time, his tired limbs relaxing against the linen sheets, Darcy just smiles.

* * *

"Are you _kidding me_!" She screams like a warrior on the front lines.

She grips her laptop, eyes wider and hands shakier by the second. The loud echoes of slamming doors could either mean a horde of sisters coming her way or, almost quite plausibly, locking themselves away from harm.

"Is this - Jane, did you do this? Kitty - _Lydia_! Mom and Dad and - Charlotte, did you - " Lizzie hates how her eyes are watering. She hates what the words on the screen are telling her. Seven - _seven_ incriminating e-mails glare back at her, taunting and condemning.

Why didn't she make her laptop go to sleep? Why didn't she ever reset her password? Why didn't she -

"Lizzie, I tried to stop them!" Jane looks ready to cry herself.

Lizzie sniffs until she's stoically frowning.

"Lizzie, I know it was wrong," Jane pleads on, "but we really did just want to help! You looked so heartbroken when he left, and we didn't want you to - "

"Be embarrassed?" Lizzie bites. Tonight, favorite sisters didn't exist.

"Lizzie, please. You _know_ we wouldn't hurt you on purpose!"

"It was entirely a scientific experiment, I assure you." Charlotte appears at the doorway, actually having the guts to _smirk_. "It started out desperate but ended up fun."

" _Et tu_ , Char?"

Charlotte shrugs. "Since he doesn't reply, I figured there wasn't any harm."

The crashing realization that he _has_ been receiving these e-mails and _has_ been intentionally avoiding a reply makes fresh tears assault her eyes.

"Jane, Charlotte, what will I _do_!" Lizzie rolls back on her bed. Even her ceiling looks depressing.

It's depressing enough that they all still live at home.

It's utterly depressing, more so now, that the one man who has ever made her feel fully at home is probably scared away to England now - permanently.

"I'm sorry, Lizzie." Jane looks like she's really about to cry. "We really meant well, and we - "

"I know." Lizzie bites her lip. Anguish is not a pretty feeling. "I know, Jane."

* * *

Whoever has been ringing the doorbell is one persistent man.

There's no one else home though - so Lizzie's got it, begrudgingly got it.

About halfway to the front door, she and her pajamas are tempted to holler 'It's always open' just to shut the stranger up.

"I'm coming!" She cries when the onslaught doesn't stop.

It's not that the pressing is constant - it's just, well, _rhythmic_ , and still very persistent.

A steady knock starts when the ringing stop.

Lizzie groans, shoves her hands against her ears, and trudges on.

It's been days since she sent her e-mail - since she's poured out her heart onto words on the screen. He hasn't replied, not once. With the state of her phone battery right now, she doesn't even know if he's texted.

What kind of boyfriend lets her embarrass herself like that? What kind of man would _not_ know he obviously wasn't talking with the woman he loved?

Tears sting her eyes again at the recollection of how he told her he loved her, three days before he left for England.

It was supposed to be a short trip. It wasn't meant to mean anything. It was a necessary parting - so he could make plans to move permanently here - with her. It was a bittersweet thing, a hopeful thing.

Now, things are just plain bitter.

The last knock sends her straight up the heights of her temper.

She throws the door open with all the force her famished right hand can muster. "I said I was come - "

"Liz."

She looks up. Her mouth drops.

She's imagined this, of course. Who hasn't?

Ever since she's sent her cursed last e-mail, she's hoped and prayed and cried that he'll show up like this - all handsome and sweet, maybe with a dozen roses in his hand. Standing where she is now, frozen at the door, she can almost smell the roses in the back of her mind - real or not.

"Liz?"

"Dar - William, hi." She shakes her head a bit. "I - I thought you - were gone."

"Sorry for the radio silence." She's surprised when he apologizes first. He looks almost boyish when he scratches the back of his neck. "Despite being so good in England, my phone crashed the day after I arrived. I tried to call through other means, but I've been - negligent, I know."

She nods mutely. The moment feels unreal.

"I know this must be - sudden, especially after we haven't talked for so long." He's starting to look sheepish, almost nervous. "I've finally gotten it from the family vault in England though, and I - I really don't want to wait anymore, Lizzie."

"Uh huh."

"Liz?"

She doesn't see anything, doesn't hear anything - until he nudges her to look at his hands.

To her surprise disappointment, he isn't holding two dozen roses.

He's holding, instead - a single, sparkling, life-altering ring.

"William, I - "

"Will you marry me?"

She meets his eye shakily, painfully, happily.

She smiles. He smiles back. He looks almost excruciatingly handsome in his coat and shirt.

"Liz - "

"I didn't write those e-mails, okay?" For some reason, she wants to clarify.

He chuckles, handsome as ever. "Okay."

"I missed you, but I wouldn't beg like that."

"I know."

"You know."

"Yes."

They look at each other - long, hard, and tender.

She smiles - brightly now. "Then yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I will marry you. There really isn't any - "

His kisses block out any other words she might have wanted to say.

She even forgets she's wearing pajamas until five hours later, when he tries to take them off.

* * *

 _A/N: Did we really need the e-mails to make the story work? I'm guessing no? Did the e-mails haunt me day and night until I gave up and wrote them down? Yes. So thank you all so much for letting me work out my weird brain here so I can free it to move on other more serious works! I hope you guys at least got a laugh or two out of this story. Much love -Iris_


End file.
